


breaking

by triggeringthehealing (froggydarren)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Animated Gifs, Drabble, Episode: s04e12 Smoke & Mirrors, M/M, gifs contain blood (as in the episode), mention of Braeden - Freeform, mention of malia, reference to Derek dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 08:49:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2303804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/froggydarren/pseuds/triggeringthehealing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based on a scene from Smoke & Mirrors, Stiles-centric</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stiles

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted from [my tumblr](http://triggeringthehealing.tumblr.com/post/97463775244/he-feels-the-tug-stronger-than-before-its-not)

 

He feels the tug stronger than before. It’s not like that day in the woods, when he saw Derek… when he saw Derek  _again_ , after years of absence that Stiles didn’t want to admit feeling. It’s not like any of the times when he was shaking with fear and willing Derek to hold on just that little bit longer, to come back to him, to  _breathe_.

This time is different. He knows there’s no way he can leave and then come back to Derek still alive. Stiles can feel it down to the last cell of his body, knows the exact moment that the string breaks. He can hear the “Go!” from Derek’s lips and it  _hurts_. It goes against his very instinct to leave, not to rush forward and reach out for what was never really his in the first place. Braeden is there, and Stiles knows she’ll do her best, that she cares more than he was willing to admit to himself. Somewhere behind him, he can feel Malia’s eyes on him, hesitating a little longer than she normally would because Stiles isn’t moving.

Stiles  _can’t_  move. His muscles are refusing to acknowledge the command from Derek’s lips.

"Hey…  _hey_ ,” Derek’s words are barely audible now, his lips stained with blood and his breathing shallow.

No, he’s not leaving, he shouldn’t. But then the next words leave Derek’s mouth and Stiles realizes it’s one thing he can do.

“ _Save him_ ,” Derek manages to say.

They’re here for Scott. It would do no good for Stiles to  _stay_ , no matter how much he wants to. No matter how much every cell in his body screams for him to move to Derek, to reach out, to  _help_. He can’t, he knows he can’t. So he nods, just enough that he knows Derek gets it, and turns to run into the ruins.

Then, when he can feel the final snap of the thread between them, Stiles turns to look at Derek, one last time, once more like a goodbye. Like a promise to not let Derek down. 


	2. Derek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had very few plans to continue the little ficlet from ch. 1, and then [this post](http://froggydarren.tumblr.com/post/139311222359) happened.

It isn't like the pain is worse than other times before. If Derek had time or energy to think about it, he'd probably admit that it wasn't as bad as Kate's torture, or the pipe that Kali drove through him. Being human though, it feels different. It feels  _ final _ , feels like something he isn't going to come back from. Going to Mexico, Derek knew he was one of the weak links this time. He knows it better now, when the pain from his stomach radiates into every part of his body, and not even the gun he reluctantly agreed to bring is any use. 

He manages to grit his teeth through the pain and tells the rest of them to go, lies about being fine. They have to keep Scott safe, have to bring him back to keep the pack alive, to keep Beacon Hills alive. He can see Stiles frozen in the spot, even after Peter has rushed into the ruins, That’s when Derek -- just as they’re all turning to follow Peter inside -- calls to him, barely loud enough to get Stiles’ attention. “Save him,” he says, both of them knowing that Stiles is the only one that Derek trusts with the task.

Finally, Stiles turns his back to Derek, and starts walking. The pain spikes again, like Stiles leaving -- even though Derek told him to -- is cutting the string that is making Derek fight on. He doesn’t want Stiles to see him like this, doesn’t want to be the reason that Stiles stays behind, doesn’t want to crumble in front of the only person who knew his weak spots and cared regardless. The one person who  _ is _ his weak spot. Stiles is walking away, and Derek’s control is slipping, all his strength focused on ignoring the pain, his survival instinct screaming that he doesn’t want to  _ die _ . 

“I... “ Derek gasps when he breathes in, words rushing to spill past his lips no matter how much he’s trying to hold them back. 

It’s enough though, just the sound makes Stiles pause and turn back again, the change in movement catching Derek’s attention, so he looks towards the ruin, to Stiles. Despite the darkness, he can see the way Stiles’ amber irises are taken over by the widened pupils, his eyes wide and panicky. And Derek feels it then, from the pain across his body, from the way Stiles twitches to move back to him, he knows that this is it, that Stiles  _ knows _ that Derek isn’t going to follow them. 

There are words on the tip of Derek’s tongue, all the things he didn’t say, things he thought they had time for, things that he thought and felt for a long time. He wants to tell Stiles “thank you” for not seeing him as a monster, for saving his life multiple times, and for trusting him. He wants to tell Stiles that he was Derek’s anchor, that he still is even though Derek is human,  _ painfully _ human. 

Most of all, Derek wants to say “I love you”, has wanted to say it for longer than he can remember, has always held back from saying it because Stiles is so  _ young _ , deserves so much more than Derek. He barely acknowledged it to himself until the moment he realized that Stiles was his anchor. He knows it now, and wants to say it, because the pain is reminding him that this might be his last chance, his last moment. 

That’s also why he doesn’t say anything. It doesn’t feel right, to say the words when he knows -- when they both know, Derek can see that in Stiles’ face -- that it would be the last thing said. He doesn’t want to leave Stiles with regrets, doesn’t want Stiles to  _ stay _ just to watch Derek die when there is nothing anyone can do. 

He watches Stiles turn away and run inside, the snap of the thread between them making his pain spike again, and he thinks: _goodbye_.


End file.
